Friday, April 29, 2011

To Wordsworth

Wordsworth, let me borrow thy soul for a while
And feel what you felt in the depths of your existence
Love and lament the miserable man
And breathe the melancholy of that spirit
The one that haunts your eternal words
Walk on the clouds of your dreams divine
Drink from the streams of joyous waters sweet
Bleed for the sake of a dying humanity
And walk on the scorching roads with naked feet
Listen to the song of a young orange morn
And profess holy love to the whispering breeze
Watch the vagrants with faces forlorn
Send their sons to the towns of sleaze
For early in time your man upright
Was seduced by wretched greed
And this union diseased with blight
Wrath lies and lust did breed
In mourning sat  thy faithful heart
And for redemption prayed aloud
Profaned it was by the poisonous dart
With selfishness thus beast was endowed
Thank the heavens for your form is dead
It can see these grievous sights no more
Thank the gods that thy grave is thy bed
For thy home is stained with blood and gore
You once walked on these plains and hills
With worthy companions in Dorothy, Coleridge and pen
And travelled upon the oceanic frills
Sketching in ink the deeds of men
You sat once by a path forsaken
And sighed beside the empty howling wind
And no matter how you tried to waken
Man’s sleeping soul to darkness pinned
And then resigning to that faithless fate
Retired thyself to the wishes of time
And left in breath short through the unguarded gate
The prelude survives thee, a wondrous rhyme.
In thy being nature found her voice
And spake of her love to the once sacred man
But in vices now he only seeks to rejoice
And ended the affair before it began….

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

am not what i am trying to be... but i have forgotten what i am... so... let me be... :D At any cost... i wont be a danger.. ;)

Sunday, April 24, 2011

for a beloved sis

I will never tell it you my little love, but I just realized that you were my first answered prayer. I still remember how passionately I had prayed for a sister, and when pa had come smiling into the waiting room and said, you have a little sister now... I still regret that I had misplaced my shoes, and therefore, I had to run and see you and come back... :(  but you were so beautiful, sleeping like a cherub in a nest... how I had loved ma that day.. for giving me the gift my heart had so truly yearned for, and now that you have blossomed into such a beautiful flower, I feel Incandescently happy to see you... your charming smiles, your humorous pinching sarcasms, your naughty giggles, your unbelievably logical arguments, your lovely eyes, your melodious voice, and that beautiful heart which you so smartly hide under that cloak of indifference, by Jove!! my kid, you are so charmingly unique and amazing, that i keep marveling... and every moment spent with you is nothing but worthwhile... when you lie on my arm every night and sing me songs in a nightingale's voice.. its hard to stop these tears. They bring me closer to heaven... i know my heart smiles when you smile at me, call me di or plant that lovely kiss on my cheek. How i love to listen to your dreams and little secrets which you share with such love and faith.. and then crack pointless jokes just to laugh with you... again i will never accept but i love it when you ask me to write, sing, read or cook for you and i hope you did like the cake today... such freak i am, baking at four in the morning just for fun!! :D I wouldn’t do it for anyone else... but for you it was no less than a little adventure... you can never know how much my heart grieves when i see tears in those eyes or when you chose a wrong direction... but i promise you bacchha, that while i am breathing i will never let you go astray... you are my gift, and in a sense my responsibility and yes no matter how much you dislike it, i am always worried for you... all i want for you, is happiness, love and fulfilled dreams. By heavens! you will be a stunning lawyer... and yes we will find a good looking man for you.. :D
You surprise me with the kind of patience and attention with which you listen to my hour long lectures and i am more than humbled for the immense respect and love that you bestow on me... your love touches my heart in its utmost depth... you truly are my twin soul, although with a complete makeover.. :) always be as genuine, honest and straightforward as you are... and now that my sparrow is ready to take off from her nest, so many emotions storm my mind... happiness, hope, fear... i pray that you be protected  from prying predators and unscrupulous elements... that you know what is right and what is wrong for you... that you soar through these skies and that you are always loved and admired... life is not easy my dear, but i would ask God to give me the maximum share of your pains and troubles... but not all...for i would also pray that you go through crucial trials in life whose lessons are priceless... these would polish you well... and i know you will make me and family immensely proud one day... i feel like i am Yeats, writing a prayer for his daughter... for the mother in me, only sees you as her daughter... :) i know i am getting all jasbati... but i am smiling while writing this so it doesn’t matter....and thank God you can’t read it my little enfant terrible!! :) truly in every sense the spice of my life...How badly i will miss you, i don’t even want to think about... but then this day was always in waiting... take care my love... u r way beyond special. and loved most sacredly.. and no matter when you need me, Didda will always be there... always... you cannot even imagine, how my heart swells with joy and pride, when i look at you and tell someone... That’s my Sister....  joy be with you... ;)

Friday, April 22, 2011

The Lost Leader... Robert Browning

Just for a handful of silver he left us,
Just for a ribbon to stick in his coat—
Found the one gift of which fortune bereft us,
Lost all the others she lets us devote;
They, with the gold to give, doled him out silver,
So much was theirs who so little allowed:
How all our copper had gone for his service!
Rags—were they purple, his heart had been proud!
We that had loved him so, followed him, honoured him,
Lived in his mild and magnificent eye,
Learned his great language, caught his clear accents,
Made him our pattern to live and to die!
Shakespeare was of us, Milton was for us,
Burns, Shelley, were with us,—they watch from their graves!
He alone breaks from the van and the freemen,
He alone sinks to the rear and the slaves!
We shall march prospering,—not thro’ his presence;
Songs may inspirit us,—not from his lyre;
Deeds will be done,—while he boasts his quiescence,
Still bidding crouch whom the rest bade aspire:
Blot out his name, then, record one lost soul more,
One task more declined, one more footpath untrod,
One more devils’-triumph and sorrow for angels,
One wrong more to man, one more insult to God!
Life’s night begins: let him never come back to us!
There would be doubt, hesitation, and pain,
Forced praise on our part—the glimmer of twilight,
Never glad confident morning again!
Best fight on well, for we taught him—strike gallantly,
Menace our heart ere we master his own;
Then let him receive the new knowledge and wait us,
Pardoned in heaven, the first by the throne!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

With Gratitude

My words may seem to you
Meaningless and vague
But for me…they are all mine
Through them I humbly pray
Through them my spirit rewinds
And those moments I relive
A sacred force that binds
All that which life can give
How I love to see you smile
In face of grief, at trying times
And while we walk this long dark mile
Through hostile roads and ruthless climes
Your hope eternal holds me up
And I promise never to fall again
And when we drink from nature’s sweet cup
Her gentle balm soothes all the pain.
So smile my mate, as the morning dew
That makes again the world shine bright
It is a favor that I ask of you
For it pulls me from darkness into that divine light
For so much in this  form we lack
Pitiable, selfish and vain
And when the earth shall take me back
Nothing shalt be left to gain
And then, in that humble form sublime
 In the soil, wind and water
I shall bless and thank thee through a rhyme
In your child’s love and laughter…

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Food for Heart

An empty glass lies in front of me..
So empty that it makes my heart heavy…
Surprised I am at the randomness of my thoughts.
This hour, my uncomplaining companion
Sits with me in the deafening quietness…
And when I am searching for the purpose of being alive
The wind gently whispers to my drowsy soul.
The bitterness of coffee still lingers on my tongue.
 I was seven when I had learnt to spell it.
In some strange sort of way, I had come to like it….
Without milk, without sugar, without company.
An open book beseeches me to read it,
but my eyes now behold  the breaking dawn.
And I am wondering, what am I wondering
Now, that the day has arrived.
I hope it is a better one for someone somewhere.
And here comes and sits this little blue bird
And sings me good morning in its heavenly notes
My soul smiles to my lips….
I bring her some water and a few grains of food
She acknowledges it most gracefully
Before I could check them, they come rolling out,
These funny things we call tears.
For reasons that words cannot put through.
I ask her to forgive me and my kind…
I hope she does, for she is not what I am.
I wish I could hold you to my heart
And tell you that I never meant harm
But then nothing I did to prevent it either
And now when I see you this close
I wonder, why, how, and when did i
So ruthlessly push you away
Forgive me my little love
For the vastness of your loving heart
Has dwarfed me.
Ashamed I am, but I love you…
I will until my last breath…
For today you gave me something
I never had, and I never knew..
She happily bids me adieu
I hope she comes to see me again
I now return to my day
After a long time not thinking
How loved I really am.
But rejoicing that today
I have one more soul to love.
For love nourishes the life within us.
And bears in us the fruit of hope…
That which will never die…

DESIDERATA - Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Saturday, April 16, 2011


In the symphony of the night’s silent song
I have found solace, now lost for long
And when in my shallow I heart I ponder
My mind’s loneliness is nothing but wonder
And dread creeps into my weeping mind
Holding on to things I have long left behind
Show me the empty darkness, show me that blissful light.
I haven’t seen either, or weak is my sight
And when I breathe on  paper these words unseen
I sigh to muse what a mess I have been.
And when these young birds sing their ever delightful notes
On the velvet grass, I lay and lament the walls and forts
Freed from the bondage, let me walk alone
My spirit lies tied in this cage of flesh and bone.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

That you will not believe

It is the lie in my truth
The hatred in my love
The scream in my silence
The pride in my humility
The nothingness in my substance
The black in my white
The laughter  in my tears
The despair  in my hope
The winter  in my spring
That you do not believe
That you cannot see
And thus it’s not me whom you love
You love her what I used to be
No, nobody is to be blamed
It’s just between me and time
But this truth is a truth
That u do not believe
That you cannot see…
I live with u in a palace with broken walls
The plaster and velvet curtains
Have hid them so well
That you are only charmed
By its magnificence
I can tell you but I cannot show you
That disillusion in your eyes I fear
And when I hint it in conversations
You laugh and embrace me
It is the pain of this betrayal
That you do not believe
That u cannot see..
So I will live with it and you
And dread that day
When the curtains will fade
And the plaster will peal
That you will see the real
And you will loathe the traces of my shadow
 I know I will love you that day
With all that is left of my heart
But that day my love
It will become a little truth
That you will not believe
That you will never see.

Monday, April 11, 2011

You said it the other day

You said it the other day…
It warmed my tiny heart
That you have loved me as
Much as mortals can…
Yes…tis true we can’t define love
But its profoundness has aroused my soul
Lost in slumber long
In my bosom you shall forever reside
For you taught me to breathe to live
And not survive
In your hands I have smelt the spring
In harsh winters,
In your eyes I have beheld sceneries
Of paradise,
In your voice I have listened to the harps
Of mountain streams…..
On a sleepless night I silently lie
To see the changing hues of the unchanging sky
And think of what we are together
And what we become in our solitudes
I cannot see your face
But yes, I can see you smile
I cannot touch you
But I can feel you as much as my flesh
And when comes the happy morn,
And the sun streams in my face
I lie in the stillness of thoughts
And think if all of it is fair
Your love is as true as truth can be
You hold me up, you become my shade
You keep my faith...
But my way is carved alone
The road I take wants me to
Surrender you…
It will snatch me away from under your wing
And bare me to ruthless life
But this is my fate
My purpose
If I do not walk this path
I shall never meet myself
Remember… when you had said
I am not just a name
I was fortunate to find you
And blessed to keep you
And I shall never tell you of
The grief that clutches my heart
I have to bid thee farewell
And begin a journey
To a land unknown
But u will always be there
Companion to my soul
Let me kiss thy forehead
One last time
Take with me a part of thee…
Do not lament that I have gone
For I shall never leave
In the nakedness of our truths
You know I will always be yours
Whenever, wherever, whatever you are…
I will love you
Till time bids adieu…