To Wordsworth

Wordsworth, let me borrow thy soul for a while

And feel what you felt in the depths of your existence

Love and lament the miserable man

And breathe the melancholy of that spirit

The one that haunts your eternal words

Walk on the clouds of your dreams divine

Drink from the streams of joyous waters sweet

Bleed for the sake of a dying humanity

And walk on the scorching roads with naked feet

Listen to the song of a young orange morn

And profess holy love to the whispering breeze

Watch the vagrants with faces forlorn

Send their sons to the towns of sleaze

For early in time your man upright

Was seduced by wretched greed

And this union diseased with blight

Wrath lies and lust did breed

In mourning sat  thy faithful heart

And for redemption prayed aloud

Profaned it was by the poisonous dart

With selfishness thus beast was endowed

Thank the heavens for your form is dead

It can see these grievous sights no more

Thank the gods that thy grave is thy bed

For thy home is stained with blood and gore

You once walked on these plains and hills

With worthy companions in Dorothy, Coleridge and pen

And travelled upon the oceanic frills

Sketching in ink the deeds of men

You sat once by a path forsaken

And sighed beside the empty howling wind

And no matter how you tried to waken

Man’s sleeping soul to darkness pinned

And then resigning to that faithless fate

Retired thyself to the wishes of time

And left in breath short through the unguarded gate

The prelude survives thee, a wondrous rhyme.

In thy being nature found her voice

And spake of her love to the once sacred man

But in vices now he only seeks to rejoice

And ended the affair before it began….

am not what i am trying to be... but i have forgotten what i am... so... let me be... :D At any cost... i wont be a danger.. ;)

for a beloved sis

I will never tell it you my little love, but I just realized that you were my first answered prayer. I still remember how passionately I had prayed for a sister, and when pa had come smiling into the waiting room and said, you have a little sister now... I still regret that I had misplaced my shoes, and therefore, I had to run and see you and come back... :(  but you were so beautiful, sleeping like a cherub in a nest... how I had loved ma that day.. for giving me the gift my heart had so truly yearned for, and now that you have blossomed into such a beautiful flower, I feel Incandescently happy to see you... your charming smiles, your humorous pinching sarcasms, your naughty giggles, your unbelievably logical arguments, your lovely eyes, your melodious voice, and that beautiful heart which you so smartly hide under that cloak of indifference, by Jove!! my kid, you are so charmingly unique and amazing, that i keep marveling... and every moment spent with you is nothing but worthwhile... when you lie on my arm every night and sing me songs in a nightingale's voice.. its hard to stop these tears. They bring me closer to heaven... i know my heart smiles when you smile at me, call me di or plant that lovely kiss on my cheek. How i love to listen to your dreams and little secrets which you share with such love and faith.. and then crack pointless jokes just to laugh with you... again i will never accept but i love it when you ask me to write, sing, read or cook for you and i hope you did like the cake today... such freak i am, baking at four in the morning just for fun!! :D I wouldn’t do it for anyone else... but for you it was no less than a little adventure... you can never know how much my heart grieves when i see tears in those eyes or when you chose a wrong direction... but i promise you bacchha, that while i am breathing i will never let you go astray... you are my gift, and in a sense my responsibility and yes no matter how much you dislike it, i am always worried for you... all i want for you, is happiness, love and fulfilled dreams. By heavens! you will be a stunning lawyer... and yes we will find a good looking man for you.. :D
You surprise me with the kind of patience and attention with which you listen to my hour long lectures and i am more than humbled for the immense respect and love that you bestow on me... your love touches my heart in its utmost depth... you truly are my twin soul, although with a complete makeover.. :) always be as genuine, honest and straightforward as you are... and now that my sparrow is ready to take off from her nest, so many emotions storm my mind... happiness, hope, fear... i pray that you be protected  from prying predators and unscrupulous elements... that you know what is right and what is wrong for you... that you soar through these skies and that you are always loved and admired... life is not easy my dear, but i would ask God to give me the maximum share of your pains and troubles... but not all...for i would also pray that you go through crucial trials in life whose lessons are priceless... these would polish you well... and i know you will make me and family immensely proud one day... i feel like i am Yeats, writing a prayer for his daughter... for the mother in me, only sees you as her daughter... :) i know i am getting all jasbati... but i am smiling while writing this so it doesn’t matter....and thank God you can’t read it my little enfant terrible!! :) truly in every sense the spice of my life...How badly i will miss you, i don’t even want to think about... but then this day was always in waiting... take care my love... u r way beyond special. and loved most sacredly.. and no matter when you need me, Didda will always be there... always... you cannot even imagine, how my heart swells with joy and pride, when i look at you and tell someone... That’s my Sister....  joy be with you... ;)

The Lost Leader... Robert Browning

Just for a handful of silver he left us,
Just for a ribbon to stick in his coat—
Found the one gift of which fortune bereft us,
Lost all the others she lets us devote;
They, with the gold to give, doled him out silver,
So much was theirs who so little allowed:
How all our copper had gone for his service!
Rags—were they purple, his heart had been proud!
We that had loved him so, followed him, honoured him,
Lived in his mild and magnificent eye,
Learned his great language, caught his clear accents,
Made him our pattern to live and to die!
Shakespeare was of us, Milton was for us,
Burns, Shelley, were with us,—they watch from their graves!
He alone breaks from the van and the freemen,
He alone sinks to the rear and the slaves!
We shall march prospering,—not thro’ his presence;
Songs may inspirit us,—not from his lyre;
Deeds will be done,—while he boasts his quiescence,
Still bidding crouch whom the rest bade aspire:
Blot out his name, then, record one lost soul more,
One task more declined, one more footpath untrod,
One more devils’-triumph and sorrow for angels,
One wrong more to man, one more insult to God!
Life’s night begins: let him never come back to us!
There would be doubt, hesitation, and pain,
Forced praise on our part—the glimmer of twilight,
Never glad confident morning again!
Best fight on well, for we taught him—strike gallantly,
Menace our heart ere we master his own;
Then let him receive the new knowledge and wait us,
Pardoned in heaven, the first by the throne!

With Gratitude

My words may seem to you

Meaningless and vague

But for me…they are all mine

Through them I humbly pray

Through them my spirit rewinds

And those moments I relive

A sacred force that binds

All that which life can give

How I love to see you smile

In face of grief, at trying times

And while we walk this long dark mile

Through hostile roads and ruthless climes

Your hope eternal holds me up

And I promise never to fall again

And when we drink from nature’s sweet cup

Her gentle balm soothes all the pain.

So smile my mate, as the morning dew

That makes again the world shine bright

It is a favor that I ask of you

For it pulls me from darkness into that divine light

For so much in this  form we lack

Pitiable, selfish and vain

And when the earth shall take me back

Nothing shalt be left to gain

And then, in that humble form sublime

 In the soil, wind and water

I shall bless and thank thee through a rhyme

In your child’s love and laughter…

Food for Heart

An empty glass lies in front of me..

So empty that it makes my heart heavy…

Surprised I am at the randomness of my thoughts.

This hour, my uncomplaining companion

Sits with me in the deafening quietness…

And when I am searching for the purpose of being alive

The wind gently whispers to my drowsy soul.

The bitterness of coffee still lingers on my tongue.

 I was seven when I had learnt to spell it.

In some strange sort of way, I had come to like it….

Without milk, without sugar, without company.

An open book beseeches me to read it,

but my eyes now behold  the breaking dawn.

And I am wondering, what am I wondering

Now, that the day has arrived.

I hope it is a better one for someone somewhere.

And here comes and sits this little blue bird

And sings me good morning in its heavenly notes

My soul smiles to my lips….

I bring her some water and a few grains of food

She acknowledges it most gracefully

Before I could check them, they come rolling out,

These funny things we call tears.

For reasons that words cannot put through.

I ask her to forgive me and my kind…

I hope she does, for she is not what I am.

I wish I could hold you to my heart

And tell you that I never meant harm

But then nothing I did to prevent it either

And now when I see you this close

I wonder, why, how, and when did i

So ruthlessly push you away

Forgive me my little love

For the vastness of your loving heart

Has dwarfed me.

Ashamed I am, but I love you…

I will until my last breath…

For today you gave me something

I never had, and I never knew..

She happily bids me adieu

I hope she comes to see me again

I now return to my day

After a long time not thinking

How loved I really am.

But rejoicing that today

I have one more soul to love.

For love nourishes the life within us.

And bears in us the fruit of hope…

That which will never die…

DESIDERATA - Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Musings...

In the symphony of the night’s silent song

I have found solace, now lost for long

And when in my shallow I heart I ponder

My mind’s loneliness is nothing but wonder

And dread creeps into my weeping mind

Holding on to things I have long left behind

Show me the empty darkness, show me that blissful light.

I haven’t seen either, or weak is my sight

And when I breathe on  paper these words unseen

I sigh to muse what a mess I have been.

And when these young birds sing their ever delightful notes

On the velvet grass, I lay and lament the walls and forts

Freed from the bondage, let me walk alone

My spirit lies tied in this cage of flesh and bone.

That you will not believe

It is the lie in my truth

The hatred in my love

The scream in my silence

The pride in my humility

The nothingness in my substance

The black in my white

The laughter  in my tears

The despair  in my hope

The winter  in my spring

That you do not believe

That you cannot see

And thus it’s not me whom you love

You love her what I used to be

No, nobody is to be blamed

It’s just between me and time

But this truth is a truth

That u do not believe

That you cannot see…

I live with u in a palace with broken walls

The plaster and velvet curtains

Have hid them so well

That you are only charmed

By its magnificence

I can tell you but I cannot show you

That disillusion in your eyes I fear

And when I hint it in conversations

You laugh and embrace me

It is the pain of this betrayal

That you do not believe

That u cannot see..

So I will live with it and you

And dread that day

When the curtains will fade

And the plaster will peal

That you will see the real

And you will loathe the traces of my shadow

 I know I will love you that day

With all that is left of my heart

But that day my love

It will become a little truth

That you will not believe

That you will never see.

You said it the other day

 

You said it the other day…

It warmed my tiny heart

That you have loved me as

Much as mortals can…

Yes…tis true we can’t define love

But its profoundness has aroused my soul

Lost in slumber long

In my bosom you shall forever reside

For you taught me to breathe to live

And not survive

In your hands I have smelt the spring

In harsh winters,

In your eyes I have beheld sceneries

Of paradise,

In your voice I have listened to the harps

Of mountain streams…..

On a sleepless night I silently lie

To see the changing hues of the unchanging sky

And think of what we are together

And what we become in our solitudes

I cannot see your face

But yes, I can see you smile

I cannot touch you

But I can feel you as much as my flesh

And when comes the happy morn,

And the sun streams in my face

I lie in the stillness of thoughts

And think if all of it is fair

Your love is as true as truth can be

You hold me up, you become my shade

You keep my faith...

But my way is carved alone

The road I take wants me to

Surrender you…

It will snatch me away from under your wing

And bare me to ruthless life

But this is my fate

My purpose

If I do not walk this path

I shall never meet myself

Remember… when you had said

I am not just a name

I was fortunate to find you

And blessed to keep you

And I shall never tell you of

The grief that clutches my heart

I have to bid thee farewell

And begin a journey

To a land unknown

But u will always be there

Companion to my soul

Let me kiss thy forehead

One last time

Take with me a part of thee…

Do not lament that I have gone

For I shall never leave

In the nakedness of our truths

You know I will always be yours

Whenever, wherever, whatever you are…

I will love you

Till time bids adieu…