A Day in the Life of a Crabby Lunatic

Morning- Took Brandy out for her morning walk. Actually, on second thoughts, Brandy took me out for my morning walk. We roamed about stealthily in front of Jayantilal's house. Jayantilal.. is..well.. one of Brandy's many suitors. A mix of doberman and rhodesian with a missing front paw. But Brandy is a misoandrist when it comes to dogs. And a misanthrope in general. So yeah, anyway... she loathes Jayanti and rebuffs all his vain attempts to woo her. In short she doesn't give him any "bhow". The only love affair she ever had was with a furry white rhodesian some seven years back. She was young, naive and impressionable. Pa was against the match and "Majnu" was chased away. Brandy took a wow of celibacy that day. Though she is still attracted to German Shepherds but her over zealousness scares them away. I think its because of the German connection. She also prefers Volkswagen to any other automobile. This piece of German engineering, however, was engineered to hunt rabbits out of burrows. I think Brandy believes  that everyone except Ma, Pa and Shambhavi is a rabbit. And I am the most annoying rabbit of all.

While coming back, we saw a man drinking water from a pipe. Two wasps were dancing about him joyfully. The stings were imminent. When I told him to be careful, he smiled at me in a mocking sort of way. I thought maybe he is immune to wasp stings.

But he wasn't.


Brandy came home, ate breakfast and dozed off. It slightly strange to have Garfield for a dog.

Breakfast- Experimented with Tofu and white sauce. Turned out to be safe for human and dog consumption.

Post Breakfast- Read some random irrelevant stuff. Subramania Bharti knew 32 languages and Dayanand Saraswati was apparently poisoned by pieces of glasses mixed in his milk which caused internal injury and hemorrhage. Also, a whale fart bubble is big enough to enclose a horse. Yeah. Deal with that.  Did some aimless research on the royal family of Cooch behar as well.

Afternoon- A young wild pigeon paid us a visit. Flew inside. Hid behind the curtain in the drawing room. Turned out to be the pigeon version of Kangna Ranaut as Tanu. Chased it from fans to shelves to curtain rods for what seemed like an eternity. When I was finally able to catch it, ma was overcome with affection. So we cuddled the bird for a few minutes mumbling in the strange language the entire Singh parivar uses while cuddling animals and babies. The birdu calmed down after that. We released it soon after. Left us a treasure of down feathers.

Evening- Crashed into the teenager who aspires to be either in CBI or RAW though she pretends to want to be a tennis player. Got investigated about being out of sight, about Brandy's hostility to Nawab. the young male neighbor dachshund who fancies her, about our outing the previous night, about why the newspaper was not picked up by 7;30. Was finally rescued by two cherubic kids, Pavni and Pavitra, who wanted to play with Brandy (Brandy hates kids). There are very very few things I am able to take some pride in. Patience was one of them..WAS..until I met this lady.

Met Shrek, an adorable black spaniel with careless parents. Played with him and got him rid of some two dozen ticks. His parents were nowhere to be seen. Dear people, please don't keep pets if you can't take care of them.

Late Evening- Met a warm old lady in the park. Sat with her for a good hour and she told me about her family and her life here in Agra. It was such a joy to listen to her. She was wonderfully lively and cheerful. When we parted she told that at this stage of her life she feels that she shouldn't have taken a lot of things as seriously as she did. Including herself. I wanted to hug her but I thought it would creep her out so I didn't.

Night- Listened to a lot of POTF and Hozier. Made ma and pa laugh a lot. Oiled their hair while singing "Sar jo tera chakraye". Sang Brandy to sleep.

Stay

Etched beneath the skin

Like invisible tattoos

Running through the veins

With the breathless blood

Sweeping through synapses

Over and over again

Words that will make and break

Hurt and Comfort

Wound and Heal 

Hunt and Shield 

Crack and Cement

Kill and Resurrect

Words..that will stay.

A little rant on darkness

Hatred, Anger, Vindictiveness, Envy

Not the emotions I feel too often

But when I do

Its a strange ecstasy, my nerves are on fire

And the fire burns in those parts of me that I never thought existed

Sometimes wounds makes us feel more alive than caresses

Sometimes poisons make for life saving medicines

I embrace my darkness as an integral part of me

And I refuse to be ashamed of it

Its necessary for the dark to exist

Absolute light is as blinding as absolute darkness

Its up to you to chose your shade of grey.

It rained in March.

                                                                                                      Background from Webneel.com

Days Like These

It is not easy to stay happy and positive all the time. Life is full of disappointments, frustrations, stress, troubles and sometimes you feel like everything is a mess and there is nothing to look forward to. These are very troublesome phases when it is difficult to be hopeful and optimistic about life. But then it never stays like that forever. Things look up, the sun shines and you feel it filling you back with positivity again. Such moments which bring back out hope and positivity are surely priceless. I am recounting one such recent day which has made me feel enormously positive about life.

I had come home after a long time. Although my father and sister were out of town, I still received the warmest possible welcome from my mother and my adorable dog, Brandy.  I reached late night and was dead tired. Also I had been through a bad phase so I was feeling very low. Home made me feel much better instantly.  I had the yummiest dinner in a long time and before I realized I was dozing off on my dearest bed.

The morning I woke up, everything seemed different. The usual tiredness and low feeling that I had been experiencing for the past many days was gone. It was a beautiful February morning. The sky was partially cloudy to keep the sun out of view but it was comfortably warm. The lace curtains sieved in just right amount of light to brighten up the room. The fan provided the perfect ventilation. Brandy was over the moon that I had come home and made herself comfortable at my feet as I sat down in the living room. Her unconditional love overwhelmed me and all my troubles were soon forgotten. Then mum brought me a divine cup of tea and promised me an awesome breakfast soon after.  We sat down together for a small chat that ended up being a full-fledged two hour amazing conversation where we talked our hearts out. By the end of it I felt like a different person altogether.  

After a scrumptious breakfast, mum and I decided to paint together. While painting, mum updated me about the family of pigeons that nests on our window. There was this beautiful smile on her face as she described it that me incandescently happy. It is really on days like these that one feels that there is little more to ask for.  All the pessimism and frustrations left my mind.

We often underestimate the magic that home is. Not only is it a refuge but also a place where we come back to ourselves. It is the place where love dwells and where wounds are healed. It is the place where our fears and troubles are laid to rest. Home is that comforting thought that comes to your mind when you feel tired and lost in a maddening world. Home is where you find yourself back. Always.

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Looking Up

There are times when life seems to be unusually hard on us. Times,when existence itself seems like a brutal process of reaching nowhere. These are times when the urge to give up is the greatest. When you feel like surrendering just so that the suffering would end. You are tired of facing the failures and bearing the crazy stress. Nothing seems to fall into place. You feel like you have reached the threshold and it is impossible to go on anymore.  Disillusion and hopelessness seem to be the order of the day.  But it is this very threshold the crossing of which is capable of turning things around. It is the darkest hour before the sunrise.  As Thomas Edison had said, “Many of life’s failures are people  who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up!” And here is a small incident that taught me this great lesson.

I was sitting with a group of friends on a bench and we were casually chatting. While we were having an idle conversation and honey bee came hovering and sat on my leg. Even though I have a lot of respect for these very hard working and amazing insects, I dread their sting. So as soon as it sat on my leg, I started making funny scared noises. One of my friends then promptly tried to shoo away the honeybee with a rolled newspaper. Unfortunately, the bee got hit in the process and fell to the ground. It wasn't dead but seemed pretty injured and unable to move about. Since both me and my friend had no intention of killing the bee, we felt very bad and guilty about it. He then said, “Let us just end its suffering and kill it.” Although it seemed like a humane thing to do at the time and kill the bee, something felt wrong about it. The bee was struggling hard. I agreed with him that we shouldn't let the creature suffer but I had a feeling that something might just come out of that. So I stopped him.  He looked at me and wondered what was wrong with me.

“Why do you want it go through this ordeal? Let us just end it.”

“Wait for moment. Not just yet.”

And before we could say another word, the bee got on its feet and rose into the air steadily on its wings. It seem like she waited half a moment in mid-air to say farewell and then flew away. It will be difficult to explain the happiness and optimism this little insect left us with. Just when we thought that there is no hope and it is going to die, she proved us wrong.  When an insect refused to give up and returned from the brink of death, then why not us conscious human beings?

That day I realized how much there is to be thankful for. That giving up is surely easy and staying on very tough. But one must never quit. The dawn is just around the corner, and those who stay through the night will get to see the light. J

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Leaving the Nest

It is said that magic happens only when you get out of your comfort zone. But it is not mentioned in the subtext that stepping out of your comfort zone might just be one of the most difficult things you will have to do. Also it is not a one time event. If you do not want to stagnate in a world which never stays still, you have to constantly move ahead, reinvent and challenge yourself.

For most of my life I have been a very protected individual. I have the most doting parents and the most loving home, the comfort of which is so blissful, that the thought of leaving it would unsettle me. I did not feel the need to go out and explore the world. I was content to be where I was.

But life doesn’t always stay the same. And sometimes the smallest things can make you realize things that can potentially change your life. In my case, it was my 7 year old niece. One day while sitting in my lap, she told me that she wanted to be a pilot. She wanted to reach what she thought was impossible and she wanted to do it on her own.  Even though she was but a child, she shook me out of my illusory comfort.  Not that I was not ambitious career wise but I had never dared to look for what I thought beyond my reach.

That day I made the decision to leave the nest. No matter how hard it would be.  It had to be done. I was done with my graduation in zoology and the logical path was to ahead with post-graduation in the same subject. That is what everyone in their right minds was doing. I had also applied for the same. But in my heart of heart, I was not happy with the decision. I wanted to widen my horizons.  A part of me was always thrilled about stories.  I followed news with a lot of passion. But I had never given a serious thought to considering journalism as a career option. It seemed too challenging from my point of view. But after this realization, I began to consider it as a serious career option.

When I told my family, they thought I was joking. They tried to laugh it off. They even tried to discourage me. But when they realized that I was unflinching in my resolve, they became extremely supportive. I joined the Indian Institute of Mass Communication to do a course in broadcast journalism which would initiate me into the world of journalism. That was the first leap I took. Leaving home behind to embark on a completely new and uncertain journey. 

But looking back I don’t repent it at all. IIMC  is a residential institute adjoining the JNU campus. Life seemed very challenging at first. But eventually everything started falling into place. Today I can without a second thought that it was one of the most wonderful times of my life. I made my room a cozy place where we had maggi parties every weekend. It made me miss home a little less. In that one year, I learnt a lot, not only about journalism but also about life.  And I realized what a fool I was to be content sitting at home when the world had so much to offer. 

My Room :)

It is also true that no matter where life has taken me, I have always come home to my parents. It is both my heaven and haven. But I have learnt to strike a balance between the adventures I have to undertake to fulfil my dreams and the safety and comfort I long for every time the going gets tough. My life has taken a number of unbelievable twists and turns from there. But now I am never afraid to #StartANewLife. 

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